The Humber Mouth - Hull Literature Festival 2002

The Humber Mouth
Hull Literature
Festival 2002

Rent a Writer!

Chamber of Secrets

Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers

Larking About

Imagine A Dandelion Upside Down

Close Encounters of a Literary Kind

Wreckless, Eric?

Fading, Fifty and 100% South of Watford

Next Best Thing

Larkin Unearthed

General Enquiries:
City Information Service
at Hull Central Library
Tel: 01482 223344
E-mail: [email protected]

{ Online Festival Diary }
Sue Wilsea & Jackie Goodman

RENT A WRITER - MAIL ORDER

We've all been there and it's not easy. You've got a festival programme to fill and all the writers you contact are already booked, too expensive or refuse to travel further north than Watford. With Rent A Writer you can leave all the worry and hassle behind. Rent a writer will see to everything - all you have to do is fill in your requirements on the form below and Rent A Writer will whiz an author, chosen carefully to match your specifications, from South London to your choice of venue. Remember prices include postage and packing.

Rent a writer - it just couldn't be easier.

1.	Style of writer required ( please tick one box )
	Black suit, white collarless shirt, meticulously groomed facial hair. The archetypal young male London writer, always a favourite.
	Baggy layered look. The I always look like this being a man of the people type. One especially for Guardian readers
	V necked jumper, cords, glasses, slicked back hair. More an acquired taste but popular with all types of dysfunctionals.
	Trench coat, matching shoes and jumper, denim. The look which says I might be on the picket line but it doesn't mean I still can't look good.
2.	Voice quality and pitch required.
	Hesitant and Mumbled, suggestive of tortured soul
	Strident, confident
	Extremely posh with perfect enunciation to include optional rolling of r's
	Monotone
3.	Please specify likely audience
	University academic / Social workers / teachers etc;
	Local writers group
	People sheltering from rain
	The Larkin Society
4.	Expectations of writer. Please tick as many boxes as are applicable.
	Book signing
	Answering ridiculous questions from audience members
	Being funny and / or rude
	Making personal revelations or repeating literary gossip
	Dining with Festival organisers
	Drinking too much

Please note that our writers are fully conversant with Northern mores and are fully guaranteed to have low expectations of accommodation, food and drink. A small hotel room, with a dim light bulb and no tea and coffee making facilities will therefore be expected.

Satisfaction or your money back!

Rent A Writer guarantees to refund all monies if you are not completely satisfied. Just return your author, along with his / her books, in original condition for a full refund.

Here is what some previous customers of Rent a Writer had to say:

"When Edwina Currie cancelled the week before the Festival I was so depressed I felt like reading some Larkin poems. Luckily Rent a Writer came to the rescue! We were able to order a replacement who arrived within forty eight hours and no one even noticed the difference!"
Sheila
Cheltenham

" As long as they've written a book or been a Head of State our audiences don't really care who it is. Rent a writer fulfils a very real need."
Toby
Hay-on-Wye

Rent a writer - it just couldn't be easier.